Continuing the Be Faithful Program

From Jolene (sorry, no pictures):
Our first 2 planned meetings with men flopped. We had our first gathering last Friday in Barrio. There were between 40 and 50 men with something like 20 children sitting in on the side.

I have no idea what to think of how the meeting went, so I’m just going to describe it for you. We started out asking the men what they already know about HIV so we wouldn’t insult them by telling them things they already know. It turns out that they know just as much information as I do about HIV - so how there are still 20+ new people registering with the HIV group every month really is beyond me. If you know how the disease is passed and have seen what it does to people, how are you allowing yourself to be exposed?!?!

One man said that it is a curse from God intended to punish prostitutes and adulterers (oh, and the ones that don’t get it are the ones God is protecting because He wants them to know Him). He even had scripture to back it up. They call HIV “the wasting disease” or “the thin disease.” Read Isaiah 10:16 and tell me what you think. Jen was mortified by the idea, but I personally was ok enough with it not to feel the need to argue it. We addressed it only briefly by saying that, if it is punishment for some people for adultery, but not others, the only sure way to keep from being punished in that way is to avoid the behavior that might get you punished. If you’re not committing adultery, is God going to punish you (and possibly the children you have after contracting it) with HIV? There are some issues with that argument since sex isn’t the ONLY way you can get it, but no one brought that up, so we left it there :-/

After learning that they already have all the info about HIV that we’d prepared, Jen had the wisdom to direct the conversation to fidelity. As we were discussing whether or not it is difficult to not sleep around, the men kept shifting the blame to the women for sleeping around. At first it was annoying, but a few of the men said things like “they are just so beautiful we can’t help but want to sleep with them” and “they do such a good job of making themselves desireable” which I found to be rather sweet somehow.

We wanted the men to take more responsibility than that, so we turned to Scripture. “What if the women ARE that enticing?!?! Is it more difficult to resist them or is it more difficult to deal with having HIV?” We read Proverbs 7 to illustrate that the temptation of an enticing woman is NOT anything new. For fear that the Ugandan way of “interpretting” scripture would get in the way of what the verses actually say, we had them act it out which was hilarious and disturbing at the same time. I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or blush. Anyway, it seemed to get the point across.

What was very strange to me, though, was that when we tried to make the point about it being possible and necessary to resist temptation according to these verses, the men all changed their story and said that it was easy to do. After some amount of incredulousness and questioning, we got out of it that previously, it was difficult, but now, because of what we had taught them, it would be easy. I … I don’t know how we taught them anything. I’m so confused.

Some of the men (ok, maybe just 1) still tried to say that they would just use condoms or have the women they want to sleep with get blood tests before they have sex. We didn’t address the 2nd one, but if that comes up again, we’ll have to remind them that you don’t get a positive blood test for at least 2 weeks after contracting HIV. Are you SURE she hasn’t been exposed in that time??

To address the first, we illustrated the risks of an 85% effectivity of condoms. I made the man who was insisting that condoms were the only way come up to be part of the illustration. I’m pretty sure that he’d already been drinking and he was contrary enough to even be proclaiming that he doesn’t bother to use condoms all the time anyway. Makes me doubt a bit his abilities to use condoms appropriately enough to have even an 85% chance of having sex without getting HIV.

I’ll be honest. I’m skeptical about the men's responses to the meeting. They thought it was so great and helpful and wanted us to come back. The change in response was just too easy, so I don’t trust it. Also, if they already knew all of the information and that wasn’t making a difference before, why would it suddenly matter now? So, I don’t know what to do with that. I enjoyed the meeting. We’ll continue them in the hopes that somehow, some people who need the education might truly be learning something new.